Halloween Play-By-Play

6:15 It’s Halloween night and I’m sitting out on the front porch of the Rudd’s home with Renee passing out candy to neighborhood kids. Actually, she’s passing out the candy, and I’m providing a self-entertaining commentary on the evening. For future reference, all ages listed are approximations on my part - based on categories of voice pitch, presence or non-presence of parents, quantity of facial hair (on some girls this is a tricky category), and/or degree of appreciation for the candy given (old kids tend to be ungrateful and disinterested, while some kids are so small they should be given candy formula in a bottle).

6:19 My favorite costume so far has been courtesy of a little black kid wearing a shirt and tie claiming to be Barack Obama. His two friends were dressed up as “a school kid” and “myself.” I’m not a bitter soul, but “myself” is not a legit costume. I would have given the kid a vegetable or a broken crayon instead of a piece of candy, but Renee is nicer than I. Two pieces for each kid. Oh ya, and “myself” was way too old. If your voice has changed, you shouldn’t be trick or treating. It’s an unspoken rule about Halloween.

6:22 Two girls just walked up dressed like thugs, and so I said “Lemme guess, thugs?” “Boys,” they said.  “I’m a boy and I’ve never dressed like that!” I yelled as they walked away. They just laughed. I wasn’t joking.

6:25 Two early high school aged girls walked up dressed like Satan. Nice, ladies. Real nice.  On a similar note, I should mention the just as wholesome costume worn by a 9 year old kid earlier who was dressed as a pimp. That’s the way to raise your kids. Pimp costumes are the way to go. 

6:32 After the pimp left, I was watching neighbors across the street and saw two people on their front porch handing out candy and asked Renee, “Who’s in guy in the orange shirt? Oh wait, or is that a guy?” “Nope, that’s the neighborhood lesbian couple, Marla and I-forget-her-name,” Renee informed me, “and the one with the short hair is the ‘guy.’” “Oh, whoops,” I said, “my mistake.”

6:39 Ok, two seconds ago a kid with a shiny hood, a shield, and a plastic armor breastplate walked up to get candy. I tried to be friendly and said, “Hello there, little knight!” “Hey, how did you know I’m a knight?” the kid said back. “Uh…I think it was the shield, and the shiny helmet thing, and the breastplate that tipped me off,” I politely responded. I’m getting good at this being polite thing.

6:49 One kid just walked up holding his mask in his hands and his tongue hanging out, panting like a tired dog. “Dude, you don’t have your mask on!” I said. He didn’t say anything back. He had already collected his candy and was off to the next house. Having your mask on is the second unspoken rule. High pitched voice and mask on at all times. No exceptions. I might come up with more unspoken rules as the night wears on. It’s getting late and the sky is getting dark so the rush is wearing down. It’s about this time that all the high school students will start coming around I guess.

6:53 Two more horrible costumes: an eight year old kid as “myself” wearing sweatpants and a fleece, and a 9 year old girl in a white shirt claiming to be a vampire. Parents, please – unspoken rule number three: you must wear a costume! I figured that was, well, an unspoken requirement, but I guess not. Parents, dress your kid up for Pete’s sake! No half-hearted mooching off the neighbors. I don’t care if you wear a bed sheet over your head and call yourself a mattress! Dress up!!!!

6:57 A 16 year old kid who looked like a bigger version of Shaq just got candy. Holy cow! Someone please, pray that this bitterness doesn’t carry over until Christmas.

7:06 Ok, grandmas shouldn’t carry around a bag collecting candy too. Kids only. There is no senior citizen special.

7:11 New record, 7 year old pimp!

7:15 A 16 year old manchild dressed like a girl just got candy. I had to ask him his age - he had sideburns! Also, he violated unspoken rule #1.

7:17 A kid sleeping in a stroller decorated like a pirate ship just rolled up, pushed by his parents. And yes, you guess it, still collecting candy. Parents please, go home and put the kid to bed. If he’s too tired to stay awake, he shouldn’t still be out getting candy. Sounds like another good unspoken, “Must be awake to receive candy.”

7:19 Heading inside to eat pizza for dinner. Jet’s – it’s fabulous.

 

Review of Four Rules:

1. Must not have already gone through puberty.

2. Must be in full costume at all times.

3. Must wear a costume, period.

4. Must be awake.

 

Anyone care to add a few rules I might have left out? 

Timeless Resolutions (Edwards and Ferguson)

These two resources have been of tremendous benefit for me for the last couple months. I do my best to read 10 of Edwards' resolutions each day, and Ferguson's 20 Resolutions almost everyday. Edwards wrote his resolutions in 1722-1723 when he was about 20 years old. Ferguson's resolutions were a part of his sermon on the tongue at this year's Desiring God conference.

Jonathan Edwards' 70 Resolutions.

Sinclair Ferguson's 20 Resolutions About the Tongue 

from the book of James.

12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child

In doing research and study for my series on the family, I remembered this article that I got in an email from Rob Seyler a long time ago. It's entitled "12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child" and was written by John Piper's son, Abraham, upon reflection of his years spent in rebellion against his earthly and heavenly Fathers. It is one of the most informative and practical articles I have ever read on the topic and is beneficial for parents, future-parents, and friends of prodigals to read.

Free Stuff, a Monster, and the All-Nighter

It's been a week since I gave an update so here I go, after this music recommendation. 

Here is something you don't find everyday: a good cd for FREE! You can download Phil Wickham's album "Singalong" legally and for free from his website. He recorded the project as a freebie to give away. It's incredible; just a guy, his guitar, and some friends singing together. I've had the cd for over a month now, and I love it.

This is Matt. Matt can be seen in a previous post 

looking super cool in his black suit coat. Here he 

is wearing a mask and staring down his pet praying mantis. 

Don't ask.

This is Victoria, Lauren, and Hannah standing 

outside my office waiting to be in our student video.

This last week was great. Wednesday night, as part 3 of our 4 part series entitled "The Series on the Family", I spoke to the middle school students about honoring and obeying their parents. The students seemed to really be paying attention, so that was encouraging. In more recent news, the video of the students talking about why they love their parents was completed today and will be shown at the middle school family luncheon next Sunday. If you're curious, I will youTube the video in the next couple weeks so you can all check it out if you'd like. It's hilariously incredible. 

Friday night was the middle school all-nighter. There were 70 7th-8th students in attendance which was awesome! Probably 30 of the 70 were visitors so it was great chance to meet new people. We went ice skating, played laser tag, and went to an indoor soccer facility (For some reason I feel like I mentioned those places in a past post. If I did forgive me. If I didn't, call me paranoid.) I officially am not a good ice skater, but I sing a killer chicken dance song if you don't have the song on cd but a bunch of students still want to do the dance*. Additionally, I am not what one would desribe as "stealthy" in the laser tag arena, but I get the job done even if it requires pistol whipping unsuspecting opponents in the head. Lastly, instead of playing soccer, I played football with some of the students, and I'm pretty sure that the 4 girls that played with all the guys were the 4 best football players on the whole field. One of the girls, Brianna, had 2 interceptions and played the most intense free safety I have ever seen in two-hand-touch football. All in all, the whole event went without a hitch. 

*I use the term "dance" here very liberally. Even the part of the dance historically characterized by an enthusiastic shaking of the ol' bon-bon, was replaced by a conservatively elegant** rotating of the trunk of the body with an accompanying arm movement likened closely to the actions of someone pretending to run in place at an incredible rate.

** I also use the term "elegant" here very liberally. 

My Critique of The Shack

This was written in order to be presented to the ministry staff at my church here in Michigan, but I wanted to share it with you all as well. 

The Shack

The Shack, the first book written by 53 year old businessman and father of 6, William P. Young, tells the fictional account of Mack Philips’ incredible weekend spent with the Trinity in the hills of the Oregon wilderness. The story follows the emotional healing experience of Mack after his youngest daughter, Missy, is abducted and killed by a serial killer while the family is on a camping trip. Evidence from the crime leads police to an old shack in the woods where they find the bloodied dress of the young girl but no body and no killer. In the years following, Mack is plagued by The Great Sadness until he receives a letter in the mail from “Papa” (Mack’s wife’s name for God) requesting to meet him back at the shack for the weekend. Mack is reluctant but convinces himself to go. Once at the shack, the supernatural begins to happen, and Mack’s healing journey begins.

It only took reading the first few pages to see why the book has been and remains so popular. The story is well written, and the topic of “Where is God in the pain?” resonates in the hearts of believers and unbelievers alike. The book was originally written in 2005 as a story from Young to his children in order to communicate in a creative way much of his own life’s emotional journey. Young’s journey includes being raised as a missionary kid with a “stone-age tribe in New Guinea,” being sexually molested while at a missionary boarding school, and committing adultery with his wife’s best friend. I say all that in order to give a small explanation as to why the story and the author’s story have captivated the hearts of millions of readers.

 On the flip side, one significant observation worth pointing out is that in reading the endorsements on the book’s website, I failed to find any endorsement of the book by a credible, orthodox theologian. I did, however, find a news story about the book in USA Today wherein Al Mohler calls the book, “Dangerous” and Mark Driscoll is quoted as telling church members, “If you haven’t read The Shack, don’t!” [1] The rightful outrage concerning The Shack is in regards to it’s theological content. I will mention just a few of the theologically erroneous threads that run through the book.

First, the Trinity consists of an African-American woman (Papa), a Hebrew carpenter (Jesus), and an Asian woman (Sarayu) as the author’s depictions of God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit respectively. This depiction promotes goddess worship and is a breaking of the 2^nd commandment. Moreover, in the author’s depiction of the Trinity, both the Father and son have scars in the their wrists (95), and Papa says, “I am truly human, in Jesus (201).” As Driscoll rightly points out in his March 30, 2008 sermon on the Trinity, William’s treatment here of the Trinity teaches theological modalism[2] - a heresy refuted in A.D. 263 by Bishop Dionysius.

The second thread of Theological error in The Shack deals with the relationship of Divinity and humanity in Jesus. On page 99, Papa says that Jesus, “has never drawn upon his nature as God to do anything. He has only lived out of his relationship with me, living in the very same manner that I desire to be in relationship with every human being (emphasis his).” This seems to stem from a misunderstanding of the kenosis passage in Philippians 2. Jesus did draw upon his nature as God when He forgave sins (Luke 5:20), rebuked the wind and waves (Mark 4:39), fed the 5,000 (Mark 6:33-44), and did countless other acts.

A third error concerns the effectiveness of the atonement. Young teaches universalism when Papa says, “In Jesus, I have forgiven all humans for their sins against me, but only some choose relationship (225).” Additionally, Sophia (the female personification of Wisdom introduced later in the book) tells Mack, “Judgment is not about destruction, but about setting things right (169).” According to Matthew 7:13, 2 Thessalonians 1:9, and a host of other passages, not all humans are forgiven and judgment is about destruction.

Lastly, Jesus’ character, makes this startling comment to Mack: “To force my will on you…is exactly what love does not do. Genuine relationships are marked by submission even when your choices are not helpful or healthy (145).” This comment ranks right up there with, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Young’s statement would only be true if, for starters, the doctrines of election and irresistible grace weren’t in Scripture and passages like Genesis 9:6; 20:6; Exodus 10:20; and Romans 9:18 didn’t exist. Practically, is it not loving to reach out and grab a child by the arm if they are about to run into a blazing fire? Love does result in imposing one’s will when the other’s best interests are at stake.

These are just some surface observations of some of the major Theologically erroneous themes that run through the book. I would not recommend the book for anybody, regardless of spiritual maturity, and I would echo the words of Mark Driscoll by telling my Junior High students not to read it. The book does contain some solid teaching on a few matters, but one should not need to search the ocean floor for pennies when there is bank on the beach.

---

[1] http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2008-05-28-the-shack_N.htm

[2] The anti-Trinitarian belief that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are “modes” of God, but not true persons capable of interacting with one another. www.basictheology.com

Weekend with the Parents (plus a surprise)!!!one

So time to catch the world up on what's been happening here in Michigan. First, both of its football teams got crushed on Saturday. Second, Iowa crushed Wisconsin on Saturday. Third, I can't say any more than that because Wisconsin is losing to everybody, and Iowa lost to Michigan St. a couple weeks ago.

Actually, I do have big exciting news. My parents came and visited me over the weekend and brought a surprise with them. Gerty! The four of us had a great time checking out the sites including the Detroit Riverwalk, Windsor, Canada, the Original Pancake House, and assorted other local joints. 

We also traveled up to Mt. Pleasant on Friday night in order to watch my friend Mike Morter do a concert at a church. My parents and Gerty were able to stay from Thursday evening until after church on Sunday morning before having to head home for school and work on Monday. 

Last night was a middle school SNAC (Sunday Night After Church) at the Luzods, and with the exception of one guy getting a pair of front teeth drilled into the back of his head during some backyard football, the night went well. After the SNAC, which got over at 8:30, I drove out the to Hutech's for the Sunday night college age/young adult Bible study. 

I arrived too late to participate in the Bible study but in time to eat food and hang out with people my own age. Some of us stayed late enough to watch the Devil Ray's beat the Red Sox in game 7. Did I mention I've always been a huge Devil Ray's fan? If I did, I was lying. I'm not. I'm a Cubs fan. The Cubs always find a way to lose. They always be breakin' my heart, dawg. Shoot. 

So today was a ministry staff meeting that consumed much of the day. My assignment from the meeting for the next week is to write a brief review of the Christian fiction book, The Shack. I just finished reading it so I will post my review on here in the next couple of days. Cheers!

Best Thing Ever!

I just had to share this with you folks...

So I might be way behind the rest of you folks in your technological prowess, but I just came across a free, easy, quick downloadable program for PC's that converts YouTube videos to whatever file type (Windows Media, Ipod, PSP, cell phone, etc.) you'd like in a matter of minutes. This enables you to play YouTube videos on your computer or other media device without being connected to the internet. It is so easy to use, even my mother will be able to figure it out.

Click here and then click the big GREEN button by "Download Now" to download the application.
Follow the onscreen instructions an in a matter of minutes, you'll be ready to go.

The program is safe and has been downloaded by over 4 million people, and as my mother always used to say, "If everyone else is doing it, I guess you can too."

If you need help, there is a tutorial video on the website to explain how the program works. Let me know if you also think this is the greatest thing since bug spray or if you have any problems.

Gangstas in da House, or I saw John MacArthur (whichever seems more interesting)

So this picture has been affectionately titled, "Amish Gangstas." Basically Sammy and Sarah and a girl "TBNLWIFOHN"* were running around in capes and bonnets one Wednesday night complete with Nelly-tribute/ "I wanna be a quarterback" electical tape on their faces. Events like these naturally demand a photoshoot in the office. I also recruited the notorious J.O.E.L. (the squatting guy in the middle wearing the UPS delivery man uniform colored hoodie) to be in the photo because he happened to be sitting in one of those purple chairs right outside my office.

*To Be Named Later When I Find Out Her Name

So the Bug Man interview has gone on record as the post receiving the most comments ever for my blog -- 5! I feel like a JV benchwarmer who just got to play garbage minutes on Varsity. Everyone's gotta start somewhere.

Tuesday of this last week I went to Devin's 7th grade football game, and then went over to his house for pizza and video games. He beat me at the video games, but I ate more pizza than him, so I suppose the night was a tie. Even though the pizza thing wasn't a contest. Wednesday I basically sat in my office counting down the hours until the much anticipated Bug Man interview.

Thursday I got to attend a "pastors only" luncheon with some of the pastoral staff from the church and hear John MacArthur speak. I had never heard a member of the John trinity (the other 2 members being Edwards and Piper) speak in person so the event was a memorable experience. To make the day even better, MacArthur was also speaking at a local church that evening so I got to go here him speak again.

Friday morning I spoke in a local school's chapels for K-6 and 7-12 and went to their Jr. High soccer game that afternoon. Yesterday I went to Sarah's soccer game (Like I predicted, her sister read the blog and then told me when the next game would be.) and then chilled around the house and finished laundry and caught up with some friends via the cellular phone. And I was just about to comment on how the Lions might miraculously win a game today, but I just checked ESPN before writing the sentence and saw that they lost. Wow, they are terrible. Go Packers.

Bug Man Unleashed!

Name: "Bug Man"

Source of nickname: Patrick [McGoldrick] when I was in 6th grade

Age: 12 1/2

Weight: I just got weighed today...83 lbs.

Favorite Food: Macaroni and Cheese

Family: Dad, Mom, 3 brothers - Bryan, age 10; Michael, age 8; Zach, age 4

What do you want to do when you grow up?

"I'm going to be an entomologist."

What's an ento-what?

"An entomologist. It's someone who studies bugs."

How exactly would you do that, in a lab?

"I would go to different countries and find out what bugs are there or something."

How many pets do you have?

I have a scorpion, two frogs named Hop Jump and Muck, a toad named Paige, 2 snakes named Mole and FiberOneMcCainSmart...

Wait, stop there. Why do you have a snake named "FiberOneMcCainSmart"?

Well, there is a Fiber One cereal box in its tank, and there is a newspaper on the bottom of the tank that has a headline about John McCain, and the newspaper also has an ad for the "Get Smart" movie, so that's why I named it "FiberOneMcCainSmart."

Ok, any more pets?

Yeah, I also have a tarantula named Freaky, a guppy fish named Rainbow, and a cockroach named Umbrella.

Wow, that's a lot. What's a common misconception you run into when talking to people about bugs?

Most people don't know that spiders aren't bugs. A bug is actually a type within the big group of "insect." 

Do you have a favorite bug?

[He has to think for a minute on this one] The grasshopper.

Why?

Because I've had the most of them. I used to catch them in the field by the church.

Does it bother you when people stomp on bugs?

Umm..it depends what bug it is. Like, wasps and ants - I don't care. But sometimes people will come up to me and say, "I killed a bug this weekend." I just say, "ok." I really only care if it's a kind of bug that I used to have as a pet.

What is your favorite thing to do with your family?

We went on vacation to Hawaii and Arkansas. And I like going hiking at Wolcott Mill.

What is your testimony?

I was 3 and my mom lead me to the Lord during a Bible lesson at home.

What have you been learning lately?

Our family is reading through Revelation and so I've been learning what will happen to Christians and non-Christians.

Anything else you want people to know?

If you find a bug and you don't know what to do with it, look it up or let it go.

Well thanks Bug Man. 

Yup.

Plaid and Perks

This is Susanna. She's in 8th grade and she likes plaid. She also saw me with my camera on Sunday and wanted me to take her picture, so I told her I would and that I would put it on my blog. Just a little somethin' about Susanna: she will answer or try to answer any question I ask when I'm teaching. And she refuses to call me anything but "Kevin Woot." 

This weekend was pretty crazy with the trip out to Pennsylvania and all. I'm not going to say much about the funeral, but I wanted to include a few thought provoking quotes that were said at it. First, one of the first comments made by the pastor was, "We are not here today to honor someone who loved religion. We are here today to honor someone who loved the Lord." A great way to start the funeral. The second quote was said by Janet's roommate for the last 6 months. She had only known Janet for the last year, but they had become very close and in speaking of their friendship she said, "Janet was the most direct answer to prayer I have ever received." The last quote was from an entry in Janet's journal written September 30, 2007 (2 days short of exactly one year before she died). She said, "Where will I be in a year? I can't even express how excited I am to start life." My guess is that she had no clue as the the LIFE should be enjoying one year from when she wrote that journal entry. 

 We (a bunch of Janet's friend from the Detroit area) got back at 3:00 Sunday morning and, because I had to drive clear across town and I had consumed a massive iced coffee on the way back, I wasn't able to snuggle into bed and fall asleep till 4:00ish.  I was then up at 7:30 in order to go to my office and spend time reviewing the lesson and praying before all the students arrived. 

After church was the middle school "Dinner for Fifteen." "Dinner for Fifteen" is a fancy lunch that a lady from the church puts on for the students and a few youth leaders a couple times a month-ish (one week for middle school, one for senior high). The idea is that the youth leaders are able to get to know the students better and, in addition, the students are able to get to know one another better. The lunch is by invitation only, so not every students comes every time (hence, Dinner for Fifteen). The food is straight up tasty, and it might be one of the best perks of youth ministry. 

This is a picture of Dinner for Fifteen with Sarah taking up most of the camera's flash lighting. Sarah is in 8th grade and plays a bright blue electric guitar with the band. She also plays every sport known to mankind and has yet to give me a sports schedule so I can come to her games. I say that because her sister reads this blog and will mostly likely now go and get on Sarah's case about not giving me a sports schedule.

FYI (Fer Yer Infermation)

I was looking at some of the "settings" for my blog and realized that there was a default setting that only allowed registered people to post comments. I thought, "That's dumb," so I changed the setting. Now anyone who reads this should be able to comment without signing up for anything. Let me know if there are any problems.

Hip Hop, Pranks, and Pictures

So basically I just have a few pics for you all today. After the news on Sunday, the week has been uneventful. I'm leaving tomorrow morning with a group of friends from Woodside Bible Church in Troy to go to Janet's funeral in Pennsylvania. We're going to drive through the night on Saturday in order to get back early Sunday morning in time for people to go to church. Basically that means I will be drinking coffee Sunday morning. A lot of coffee. The funeral will be a mix of emotions. I'm going to be able to see some friends I haven't seen in a long time, but it's not exactly the ideal reunion circumstances.

In other news, if any of you are interested in listening to Theologically solid hip-hop, check out this guy Lecrae. He reads John Piper, John MacArthur, Francis Shaeffer, and the Bible and puts together some pretty good tunes.*

Ok, now for the pictures.

The first picture is of a middle school guy named Matt. Matt just plain looked good Sunday morning in his fancy suit so I told him I'd post his picture on here.

Next is a picture of Brooke's thumbnails. Brooke helps lead the singing Sunday mornings. She wanted to paint her basketball number "21" on her thumbnails but accidently wrote the numbers different directions. Nice job Brooke.

Then there is a picture of many post-it notes. I came into my office last night only to find almost 20 post-it notes stuck all over my office. They were on my calender, on the lightswitch, on my cardigans, on my trophies that aren't really mine but are in my office, and everywhere in between. I compiled most of them into a nice little picture this morning. I am formally calling the event an "encouragement prank."

* I am not an experienced judge of hip-hop but I have heard some pretty awful noise called "music" in my day but I think this guy does a pretty good job.